Its been a while since Ive written in my blog.. to be honest the reason for this is that God has been dealing so profoundly with me on a daily basis that I had so much to write about and yet it was intimate dealings that if I had written about them, I would have been left feeling "soul exposed".
Needless to say since I wrote last, God has been good. He has been my constant companion, my Shepherd protecting and leading me to feeding grounds, my teacher, my guide and my comfort. I've been slow to learn, I've been rash, I've been disobedient and yet He has been constant, He has been loving, He has been forgiving and compassionate. Most of all He has taught me with a strong gentleness that is the mark of His spirit and He has answered my prayers to bring me reassurance where He knows there is insecurity. He is truly beautiful and "a friend like no other".
I've had so many questions, so much need of reassurance and God has been there building me up with the teaching of His spirit. What better way to start of the New Year than to start it off walking with God (though at times like a toddler -which spiritually I am - I would grow weak, but instead of distancing Himself, I would feel Him even closer reassuring me of His love and carrying me). Yet despite this I am aware of my need to grow from it, to not need these constant reminders of His love, but to be confident in it and to rejoice in it. A child that doubts its parents love will never be truly close to them and the relationship will never fully flourish.
Last night I was reading in Colossians 1:22 (NLT)
"Yet now He has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result He has brought you into His own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before Him without a single fault."
Wow, "holy and blameless" this is how God wants us to view ourselves.
As a teacher I know if you pick on the negative behaviour of the problem children they start to view themselves as "bad". This causes their self esteem to dive and their behaviour worsens. Teachers nickname this a self-fulfilling prophecy; "my teacher says I'm bad so I act bad". Call a child bad (or make them feel that way) and that is what they become.
On the flip side, build up that child's self esteem, "catch them being good" (as difficult as this may be with problem children) and suddenly the child goes from being a difficult child to wanting to please this adult that sees the best in them. When you are disappointed they are disappointed in themselves, as they seek your approval.
So it is with us and God. We are His children and He knows that we are not yet made perfect, He knows that we will have daily sin in our lives, even as we strive to live as 'imitators of Christ'. But rather than us viewing ourselves as sinners, outcast of heaven and dirty in sin, God would rather robe us in Jesus blood (forgiveness) and label us "holy and blameless".
I still struggle to see myself as "holy". Yet when God gives me the grace to see this I realise that when I believe this, when I take that assurance in Jesus blood, assurance in a Father's love that does not change with the tides of day to day, but is constant and steadfast (as He would like us to be). When I see myself robed in Jesus, I realise that I am Holy, a child of the most high God, "inseperatable' from Him.
Romans 8:38
"For I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries for tomorrow - not even the powers of Hell can separate us from God's love"
When I view myself through the 'eyes of God' so to speak and see myself as He sees me, a cherished child. I realise that His promises are true and He will never "forsake me". (Heb 13.5).
That assurance that I previously mentioned in Col 1:22 is there that we might rejoice and have joy and peace more abundantly in His Love and our salvation. That we might wait in expectancy at being with Him and look forward to His return, as the Bride in Songs of Solomon longs for her bridegroom.
But that is not all, for while salvation is a gift that comes by belief and revelation from Jesus Christ, Paul says...
Col 1.23
"But you must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don't drift away from the assurance that you have received when you heard the good news."
While God has been seeking for me to have this assurance and to have the joy that comes with it, I must grasp hold of it, no matter how insecure I am feeling, no matter how much spiritual warfare in going on in my life, no matter how vicious and frightening the "roaring lion" seems.
Without this assurance there is no good news, only the weight of works on our shoulders as we seek to use our actions to buy our passage to Heaven. With this assurance comes the overflowing cup of Love from Heaven. With this cup come the love for God and with that comes servent-hood, as Jesus reveals to us the debt that was paid and that He first loved us.
Without this assurance it seems like it is all up to us and our works. Hence we have a good day and we feel like we have assurance of heaven, we have a bad day and we have no assurance and so no joy. How then can we give thanks in all things as Paul encouraged us to do. This lack of assurance is not what God planned for us, how does this view of salvation reflect a parents love?
With this Godly biblical assurance we realise how much we were loved and are loved. Loved while yet still in sin, loved while we were so hideous in the rot and stench of sin that God's eyes could not even look upon us. Loved enough even in this disgusting state, that He was willing to give for us what was most precious to Him. If He loved us then like that, how much more does He love us now when clothed in Jesus righteousness!
Romans 5:8-11
But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners... For since our friendship with God was restored by the death of His son while we were yet His enemies, we will certainly be saved through the life of His son. So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God."
And so I nestle closer, knowing that my loving Heavenly Father. A God whose love I see everyday in everything, whose spirit and presence I feel, whose security now surrounds me and enfolds me, and who plans only what is best for me.
Should I need to be broken to be remoulded, Lord I pray you'd make me willing...
and keep teaching me Lord, for you are the best teacher.
Praise God in Heaven that He is not distant from His loved ones, that He is a God of intimacy and not of rules.
Praise you my God.
Amen.
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